Monday, March 16, 2015

Passport to Poland

Okay, so I’ve talked a little about it and hinted around here and there. But I’ve postponed making any official declarations until it was 100% certain. Here it is:

I am going to Poland.



I received my passport a few weeks ago and the money has been put down.



I am to join Eva Mozes Kor and the C.A.N.D.L.E.S. Museum on their tour of Auschwitz-Birkenau and the city of Krakow. Eva Mozes Kor and her sister Miriam were Mengele twins, meaning Dr. Joseph Mengele ran experiments on them as little girls. The C.A.N.D.L.E.S. Museum is the only Holocaust museum worldwide that advocates forgiveness against the Nazis and every other perpetrator of genocide. As a Christian I believe in forgiving my enemies, but what Eva and the museum practices is beyond my comprehension. Such love and forgiveness can only come from God. 



Not only is this a dream come true for me, visiting the country I am writing about (WIP “Hidden Places”), I am taking a big step. As a former (or continual, depends on what’s going on in my life) agoraphobic, it is an extraordinary thing for me to go out on my own in an unfamiliar place. Maybe on this trip, I can learn from Eva and the other Holocaust survivors. Not only is this an adventure for me, I am viewing this as a spiritual journey. I think I’ll come back a different person, a better person.

It is barely three months until I head off. At times I can hardly believe it, but then I feel something that helps me admit that this is reality.

Until next time…


Wednesday, March 4, 2015

100 Questions & Answers





My sister Seanna at https://seannaacey.wordpress.com/ did this, so I stole it from her.
1} What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
That I’m like my grandmother. She is/was my hero, so to be compared to her is an honor for me.

2} What’s one thing you’re deeply proud of — but would never put on your résumé?
That I’m learning how to drive. May not sound like much but for an agoraphobic, it’s a great stride.

3} What’s the most out-of-character choice you’ve ever made?
I consider myself a truthful person, but I do tend to tell white lies to avoid conflict and hurt feelings.

4} If a mysterious benefactor wrote you a check for $5,000 and said, “Help me solve a problem — any problem!”, what would you do with him or her?
Depends on the problem.

5} What’s going to be carved on your (hypothetical) tombstone?
“All dressed up with no place to go.” ::wink, wink::

6} What are you FREAKISHLY good at?
Uh, I’m pretty limited in the talent department. I’ll say that I’m good with animals. They tend to like me.

7} What’s one dream that you’ve tucked away, for the moment? How come?
It’s a dream of mine to take my family on a big, long vacation. We’ve never been on one together, so that’d be nice.

8} What are you STARVING for?
Success and chocolate. Mostly chocolate.

9} If you could have tea with one fictional character, who would it be?
I’m not a tea drinker, I’m a coffee/milkshake/soda kind of girl. But I’d like to have one of those with a Jane Austen hero. Either Darcy, Knightley or Brandon.

10} Do you have a morning ritual?
Roll out of bed, play with my phone, drink coffee and read the Bible.

11} Do you believe in magic? When have you felt it?
No, not magic. But I do believe in miracles. For me every day is a small miracle.

12} Is there something that people consistently ask for your advice on? What is it?
Usually it is advice on dating/marriage, though I don’t know why. I’ve never done either.

13} Have you ever fantasized about changing your first name? To what?
When I was a girl, I hated my name because it was unique. I was obsessed with the move “Sister Act” and wanted to be named Dolores. Then when I was 13 someone told me that “Veronica” was exotic. I’ve loved it ever since.

14} When was the last time you astonished yourself?
I astonish myself whenever I overcome a fear/phobia. Or try a certain food that I have been repulsed by.

15} What’s your personal anthem or theme song?
“Who I Am,” by Jessica Andrews.

16} Do you ever yearn for your life before Facebook?
No. It helps me keep in touch with my loved ones.

17} What’s your definition of an ideal house guest?
Someone who cleans up after themselves.

18} If you had an extra $100 to spend on yourself every week, what would you do?  
Buy books or go to Nancy’s Downtown Mall.

19} If you could sit down with your 15-year old self, what would you tell him or her?
You’re a size 5/6, enjoy it while it lasts.

21} What are you BORED of?
Seeing the same stuff published again and again. Actually, I’m more annoyed that bored.

21} What’s the best birthday cake you’ve ever ate?
My grandma used to make my birthday cakes, with her special homemade icing. She would decorate it just the way I wanted it. Loved it. Good times.

22} How do you engage with panhandlers on the street?
I avoid looking them in the eye. They view that as a challenge and go on the attack.

23} Do you think LOVE is chemical, intellectual, spiritual — or completely undefinable?
I think that: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

24} Have you ever dreamed about starting a business? (Or if you’ve already got one — a new business?)
An a little bookstore/antique bookshop would be awesome. But I probably wouldn’t make a profit because I’d want to keep all the books.

25} Are you afraid of flying in airplanes? (How come?)
Yeah, but only because I’ve never done it before and I could not get off of it whenever I wanted.

26} What’s your most urgent priority for the rest of the year?
Publish one of my novels.

27} If you could master any instrument on earth, what would it be?
The guitar, I guess. Not really interested though.

28} Have you ever been genuinely afraid for your physical safety?
We have meth heads/drug pushers living next door, so yeah.

29} What are you an expert on? Is it because of training, lived experience, or both?
I am an expert on chocolate. Gosh, I’ve consumed more chocolate in my twenty-odd years than most do in their entire lives.

30} Has a teacher ever changed your life? How so?
I was homeschooled for most of my youth, so my parents were both very influential in regards to my education.

31} Are there any household chores you secretly enjoy? Which ones — and why?
I actually like to wash dishes by hand. Before we had a dish washer, I did dishes the old fashioned way so I kind of miss it now and then.

32} How do you reign in self-critical voices?
The same way I reign in the other voices in my head- I silence them with chocolate.

33} If you could custom blend a perfume or cologne, what would it include?
Vanilla lilacs.

34} What does FEAR feel like, in your body?
Dizziness.

35} Do you think you’re currently operating at 100% capacity?
No. I’m about 50% off.

36} What do you value most: free time, recognition, or money?
Money. We see it so rarely.

37} If you could save one endangered species from extinction, which would you choose?
The babies that are aborted. Every life is precious.

38} Are there any laws or social rules that completely baffle you?
The punishments for sex offenders/child molesters. Why do they get only a few years in jail? They ought to be imprisoned, castrated and branded for life.

39} Would you like to write a book? (About what?)
Working on it. Currently the Holocaust, and soon to be Nazi Germany.

40} If you could choose your own life obstacles, would you keep the ones you have?
Yeah. Everyone has a cross to bear and I’m used to mine own.

41} Have you ever SCREAMED at someone? (What did they do?)
No. That’s just not my nature.

42} Do you think there’s going to be an anti-technology whiplash, in our lifetime?
If so, I wouldn’t care less.

43} Where + when do you get your BEST IDEAS?
Usually doing chores or household projects. My mind is then free to wander.

44} Have you ever met one of your HEROES?
Yeah, three of them. My grandparents.

45} What’s in your fridge, right this moment?
The hamburgers that I fried up for dinner.

46} Can you tell when someone is lying?
At times.

47} Can you tell when someone is telling the TRUTH?
At times.

48} Have you ever pushed your body further than you dreamed possible?
Yeah, I’m doing that now.

49} Are you living your LIFE PURPOSE — or still searching?
Still searching. Sometimes I don’t think we realize our life’s purpose until we meet our Maker and He tells us what it was all about.

50} Have you ever had to make a public apology? (How come?)
No, thank God.

51} What’s the WORST piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
Follow your heart. I hear that all the time, but the heart can be a fallible organ.

52} Do you think we’re designed for monogamy? (Why or why not?)
I think that was God’s plan in the beginning and it is His wish for us all. But we are imperfect people and we abuse the seeds of love that He has planted inside of us. Only some are lucky enough to find that one person they can stay committed to.

53} How do you CELEBRATE your victories?
With food.

54} Would you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?
Introvert.

55} Do you ever hunt for answers or omens in dreams?
My dreams are too looney to be taken seriously.

56} Do you think everyone has the capacity to be a LEADER?
No. I think too often people try to lead and end up causing more harm than good.

57} Is WAR a necessary EVIL?
Depends on the war. But more importantly, I support our military. Period.

58} Are YOU a starter, a finisher, or an implementer?
I try to finish what I start, but that doesn’t always work out.

59} Have you ever unplugged from the Internet for more than a week?
I was without it for three days with it in October when I went on a Christian retreat. And I’m as big of addict as I ever was.

60} Do you think we should live like we’re dying?
Yes. Tomorrow is no garuntee.

61} Do you have any habits or quirks you wish you could ERASE?
Uh, too many too list.

62} What was the most AGONIZING hour of your life?
Rather not discuss this now.

63} Have you ever dramatically changed a habit, or gotten yourself out of a rut? How’d you do it?
Yeah. I’ve been lower than low and have had to rise up out of it. It’s not easy, but you just take one day at a time.

64} Would you rather be a lonely genius, or a sociable idiot?
I’ve already got the lonely part down pat; currently waiting for the genius part to kick in.

65} How would YOU fix the economy?
Fire all the losers in office and vote in new ones, and not pay them. Holding office is a public service, not a sevven figure luxury job. Then I’d stop giving money to the countries that hate us. I’d cut funding to Planned Parenthood.

66} What was your very first job?
Cleaning houses.

67} What brings you SHEER DELIGHT?
Discovering a new favorite book. I reread the same ones over and over again and am always ecstatic to add another to my "favorite" collection.

68} Are you highly useful in a CRISIS?
Yes, I can usually remain calm and then when the crisis is over, I have my melt down.

69} Do you like to be SAVED — or do the saving?
I don't mind being saved, as long as I can return the favor.

70} What’s one mistake you keep repeating (and repeating)?
Writing duds.

71} If you were heading out on a ROAD TRIP right this minute, what would you pack?
Clothes, medicines, food, books, writing supplies, computer.

72} Do you have any irrational fears?
Yes, but there are just too many to list.

73} When you see peers + competitors getting things you want, how do you react?
Sit and pout, then eat chocolate.

74} If you were to die three hours from now, what would you regret most?
Not spending enough time with the ones I love.

75} What’s something you’ve tried, that you’ll never, ever try again?
Cooked spinache. Eww.

76} If you could enroll in a PhD program, with your tuition paid in full by a mysterious benefactor, what would you study — and why?
Probably literature. I love to read. Unfortunately I'm persnickety about my books. I hate poetry, Shakespeare, Dickens and two out of the three Brontes.

77} Have you ever had a complete + total nervous breakdown? (How did you recuperate?)
Yes, I think I've had a few actually. Once I hit rock bottom, with the support of my family, I slowly rise back up. Just the way I am.

78} Have you ever set two friends up on a date? (How did it go?)
No, I like my friends too well to put them through that torture.

79} Have you ever questioned your FAITH — or lack thereof?
Yes. I think ever believer comes to that point some time in their walk with Christ.

80} What’s your recipe for recuperating from extreme heartbreak?
I think heartbreak is different for everyone. What works for one person won't always work for another. I never grieve right away, but when it does come my grief lasts a long while.

81} Have you ever had a psychic reading? Did you believe it? Was it accurate?
Nope.

82} Have you ever (actually) kept a New Year’s Resolution?
Uh, for maybe a month or two.

83} Have you ever met someone who was genuinely EVIL?
Maybe.

84} Do you believe that everyone deserves redemption + forgiveness?
For the most part, I'd say yes. I am a Christian, after all. But child molestors, rapists, murderers... I'll leave that up to God.

85} What was the BEST KISS of your entire life?
Still waiting on it.

86} Do you secretly miss Polaroid cameras?
Not really. Those Polaroid photos smell funny.

87} Do you have any physical features that you try to cloak or hide? How come?
My acne. Yeah, here I am in my late 20's and I'm as pimply as a 13 year old girl.

88} What makes YOU so special, anyway? (No, really.)
Have no clue, other than I'm generally a nice person.

89} What’s in your pocket (or purse, or man-purse) right now?
Lint.

90} Ever fantasize about being in a rock band? What would your group be called?
Not a rock band, though I think it'd be cool to have a 40's inspired band that sings swing, jazz and old ballads.

91} What’s your guiltiest of guilty pleasures?
Chocolate, except I feel no guilt about it.

92} Who’s on your panel of imaginary mentors? First are these people real or fictitious? And how many am I allowed?
Sophie Scholl, Harper Lee, Jane Austen.

91} Are these people I make up or people in the past who I would love to have as mentors?
All three are real, however Sophie Scholl and Jane Austen are deceased. As for Harper Lee, she is very much alive and I am very much stalking her.

93} Have you ever stolen anything? (Money, candy, hearts, time?)
Yes, but it was really dumb though. When I was a little girl, I was playing with my cousins' toys and came across a little token that had my favorite cartoon character on it. I slipped it into my jeans pocket. A couple hours later, I felt guilty and told my Grandma that I "forgot" I had it. Yeah, she could read between the lines.

94} When was the last time you saw an animal in the wild?
When we went to visit my Dad's grave last year. He is buried out in the country, so we encountered squirrells, a turtle, deer and bunnies.

95} What’s the hardest thing you ever had to write — and why?
A letter explaining why we were leaving a church.

96} Who’s the last person that deeply disappointed you? (What happened?)
Rather not get into it. Still not quite over it.

97} Have you ever won an award? What was it for?
Nope.

98} How long can you (comfortably) go without checking your emails or texts? How do you feel about that?
A few hours. Gosh, I'm such an addict.

99} What do you deserve + get to receive, no matter what?
Chocolate. Okay, seriously, respect.

100} What are you ready to set into motion, today?
My body. I am going to exercise later today.