Crazy

Life has been crazy for me lately. Dealt with some hard, unfair stuff and to be honest I’m not at all satisfied with how I handled it. It was one of those situations where no matter what you do there is no right answer. I just hope it’s over. I know, I’m talking in circles. I’ll move on.

I think I have my novella completed. It isn’t anything epic or fantastic. It is a small, simple story based in my home state, set in an obscure town. In a sense I’m a little bit proud of it, but I truly wish my debut work could be epic. I have epic ideas for future projects, but I just can’t tackle those right now. They’re too emotionally demanding for me. I need to write simple things for a little while.

With the completion of this story, I have had a resurgence in regards to my anxiety attacks. It is coming to the point where I can look for an agent and that overwhelms me. The last time I sent off work to be considered, the topic of my book was so epic and great that I hid behind it. I had thought that the agents would be shocked and awed by the subject matter that they would overlook my inexperience. Though my current project is smaller, it unveils little pieces of my soul.

Well, whatever happens, I will persevere.

Writes of Passage

Last spring I set my epic novel on the shelf and started on two new ones, one small and one big. As it turns out the bigger one requires much more research so it must be set aside for the time being. Now I am pursuing the smaller story. At times it frustrates me. Though I generally write pieces of work that feature a romance, I would not classify myself as a romance novelist. In all honesty, I know nothing about romance and would rather tackle something a bit more challenging. And yet that is precisely the kind of story I am working on. A Christian historical romance to be exact. I have set it in my own beloved state and attempted to add some comedic elements to it. This is probably the first novel I have ever written that actually has a shot at getting published. As of late, this is what the Christian market specializes in.

Underneath all of my optimism lies a layer of insecurities. I have approached agents for representation and publishers for publication and the end result was the same: rejection. Of course the two stories I had advertised were epic novels and this one is not so epic. It’s a simplistic little novella based in a fictional town in pre-WWI Indiana. There is nothing scandalous or shocking in it and even if it is published it will probably be soon forgotten as these sorts of stories usually are.

Even if rejection is all I will ever know in my career as an author, I have to pursue my dream. It’s a compulsion for me.

I. Must. Write.

I know not how to do anything else. It is both my passion and obsession.