Dear Agent

Dear Agent,

This is not a query nor is it directed to any literary representative in particular. This is to all agents in general, from an unpublished and un-agented author.

I have queried again and again, on various projects. At times you are encouraging; at other times you are downright insulting. Sometimes you are enthusiastic about my projects, to the point that I begin to think I am on the right path. Then I receive that e-mail, the one that says, “I enjoyed reading --------, it’s a lovely story but…” And then you give whatever reason that you deem suitable for your rejection. On the whole it is not even reason, it is that you don’t think we will be a good fit. Or that you are not in love with my story. But couldn’t you tell it wasn’t a good fit or that you weren’t falling “in love” with it after the first fifty pages? Why then request the whole manuscript? And then keep me waiting for a whole month?

And please, after I send you a query that I have spent days constructing, please do not reply “No thanks” and end the e-mail there. I know you’re busy, but it’s insulting and dismissive. If I must be professional, then you ought to be too.  Send me one of those “form rejections.” They are far more preferable than a two word rejection.

You say not to take it personally and maybe I shouldn’t. But guess what? I do. My novels are my beloved children. And like any obsessed mother, I will do whatever in my power to see them blossom. By taking it personally, it only increases my determination to write something truly spectacular.

You may think that I am just another wannabe writer and nothing I will ever write will ever measure up. But someday, I will show you and the rest of the world what I am capable of.

Just you wait.

Sincerely,

The Authoress