The End of Yet Another Year

I always suffer from the end-of-the-year blahs. I look back on the last twelve months and there are always some successes, but on the whole I feel like a failure. This pity-party doesn’t last long though. By the beginning of January, I feel rejuvenated and ready to take on the New Year.

There have been a couple of developments in my life since I last wrote. My family and I are attending a new church. It’s nice, and bigger than what we are use to. I can’t say I have any major complaints about it, it’s just missing something, but it will suffice for now.

Today is my 25th birthday. I think I have finally entered into the stage of my life where I feel like a full-fledged woman, rather than a girl. Still, I am left feeling lacking. When I was younger, I had thought that by the time I was 25 years old, that I would have a career and have done something worthwhile. Well, as you can see, the blahs are eating me up inside. Anyway, today I went to Wal-Mart to buy a couple of dresses and a skirt and then out to eat with my family. We took a trip to the mall, where I had my ears pierced for the first time. Then we stopped at the Christian bookstore and I bought a new Bible. All in all, its been a good birthday.

The one novel I have been laboring on for the last two years might be finished in another draft or two. Maybe by February it will be completed and I can contact the agents again. As for my second novel, the one set in the 1840’s, it will take some time before I show it to anyone, but I am extremely proud of it.

The Blog Entry without a Title

I finished the first draft of my newest novel. Whenever I complete a first draft on anything, I allow myself a week’s vacation to rejuvenate. This time I am giving myself two weeks. Originally when I conceived this story, it was to be something simple and nothing complicated. But now I have gone and fallen in love with it and it is becoming epic to me. The topic is not commonly covered, at least not in the Christian market. Oh, it has been touched on, but not they way I am doing it. I fear that the heroine might be considered too feministic, but I can’t have her any other way. My heroine must remain strong, independent and intelligent. I can’t dumb her down and make her weak to mold her into one of those cookie-cutter heroines. I can only hope that once I’m finished with the novel that someone might see how true to life it is.

While I’m on this little break, I am trying something new. Throughout all of my endeavors to be published, family and friends alike have advised me to write some smaller pieces for Guidepost or Reader’s Digest. I’m actually going to try that. I wrote what amounts to a little more than a page about my paternal grandmother.

So my fingers are crossed. Wish me luck!

Crazy

Life has been crazy for me lately. Dealt with some hard, unfair stuff and to be honest I’m not at all satisfied with how I handled it. It was one of those situations where no matter what you do there is no right answer. I just hope it’s over. I know, I’m talking in circles. I’ll move on.

I think I have my novella completed. It isn’t anything epic or fantastic. It is a small, simple story based in my home state, set in an obscure town. In a sense I’m a little bit proud of it, but I truly wish my debut work could be epic. I have epic ideas for future projects, but I just can’t tackle those right now. They’re too emotionally demanding for me. I need to write simple things for a little while.

With the completion of this story, I have had a resurgence in regards to my anxiety attacks. It is coming to the point where I can look for an agent and that overwhelms me. The last time I sent off work to be considered, the topic of my book was so epic and great that I hid behind it. I had thought that the agents would be shocked and awed by the subject matter that they would overlook my inexperience. Though my current project is smaller, it unveils little pieces of my soul.

Well, whatever happens, I will persevere.

The Write Stuff

I’m currently on a summer-long break from writing. For the last several years I have obsessively devoted myself to one novel and have placed it on the throne in the place of God. I was so wrapped up in my own desires I couldn’t hear God’s Voice and what He wanted of me. Not only that, I had fallen into a bad place where I envied my writer peers and begrudged them for their successes. I had lost my first love. Anyway, a few weeks ago I had finally accepted the fact my beloved novel wasn’t going to be published and must be placed on that proverbial shelf. Then I started to ask the good Lord what He wanted. No answer except that I needed to spend some time focusing on Him rather than myself. And that it might be beneficial for be to take a break from writing.

Its already been two weeks and I feel much better than I did and I’m not as stressed as what I had been. I have been tempted to work on a couple newer projects but am resolved to stick with my pact. I think that when I do return to writing in September, the quality of my work will be better and the writing won’t be as forced. The new stories will be better for it. The first one is a novella set in 1915 in my beloved state of Indiana, and a comedy. The second one is a new holocaust story that is set both in 1943 and 2003. Both are primarily written in the third person, which is a challenge for me; I usually narrate my novels in the first person.

I can’t stop writing altogether; writing is like breathing to me. I intend to write entries for my blogs, I write often in my personal journal, and there are some books and movies that I’d like to do reviews on.

Well, that’s all for now.

The Proverbial Shelf

That’s where I placed my epic novel.

I had been working on it for seven years, devoting myself wholly to it. It is where I placed all my hopes and aspirations, my dreams and goals. I really thought that someone would notice how valuable it was and snatch it up. It has become like a child to me. I created it, loved and nurtured it, spent years bragging about it and showing it off to anyone who would listen.

I adore the characters, and have watched them evolve into their present state. They are like imaginary friends of mine who speak to me often and beg me to show them to the world.

The plot is unique and unlike anything else out there. It is a reflection of life at the worst and the best. It is the age-old story of good versus evil, and though evil claims a number of battles, good wins the war.

The style is fresh and to the best of my knowledge, it has never been attempted before. The best way to describe it is to say that it’s a cross between Melody Carlson’s “Diary of a Teenage Girl Series” and Scholastic’s historical “Dear America series”.

Whether it ever appears in print or not, it will live in my heart and mind forever. I live in hope that someday someone else might take an interest in it.

For the most part I’m disappointed, depressed and in desperate need of chocolate.