Daydream Believer

Remember that song, by the Monkees? Whenever I hear it, I want to cry. When I was a girl, seven or so years old, I remember sitting out on our front porch and listening to it. It reminds me of my youth. As a kid I couldn’t wait to be an adult and now not a day goes by that I don’t day dream about being a kid.

Since I last wrote, my sister had gallbladder surgery and then six weeks after my Dad died, my aunt passed away. It’s a crazy, mixed up time for us. None of it seems real and I at times I really believe that someday everything will be the way it was. All that I can ask from anyone right now is prayer. Especially for my mother. It has hit her the hardest. It was her husband who died, and her baby sister she lost. If we didn’t have faith in Christ and the promise of Heaven, we’d be lost right now. In many ways we are lost, but we know that we’ll find our way again and that it won’t always be hard for us.

I don’t know much else to say. I have been writing; manically almost. Whether it’s much good or not, time will tell. I have tried my hand at shorter pieces and have submitted them to various places. Maybe this sounds crass, but it’s to make a bit of a name for myself and earn a little money. I need to do something.

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. God bless and love to you all!

As Time Goes By

The last month has slipped by so quickly. I feel like I have lived in limbo since the couple days of April. We all have really. And yet April 28^th (the last day Dad was alive) seems like years ago. Mom, Sean and I have drawn closer, but the family is incomplete now. We don’t laugh as hard as we did before or enjoy the moments. Nothing makes sense. If I didn’t have faith I’d be a lost cause. Last Saturday we saw his grave for the first time since his funeral. My mind cannot fathom that my Dad is buried there. This seems wrong to me. My Aunt told us all something that has stayed with me. My Grandma was 15 years old when she lost her Daddy and she never really got over it. I totally understand. She had it harder than I do though. She was only a kid and it was during the Great Depression. But I get it, why she never got over it. Her Daddy was only 44 when he died whereas mine was 60. Still, I don’t think anyone is ever prepared to lose their parents, no matter how old they are. Grandma was braver than I am. She probably confided in her brother and sisters, but she never felt sorry for herself and never burdened anyone. My only hope is that I can live up to the example that she left me. If she survived all of that, somehow we will too.

Just when we think things might settle down a little bit, something else happens. My sister Sean has been in traction for the last month. She’s been having stomach problems for a while now and since we lost Dad, it has increasingly gotten worse. The doctor did some tests and learned that her gall bladder is not functioning at a normal rate. She is to have it out tomorrow. Sean is looking forward to it because it has given her nothing but misery for two years now. I can’t wait to see her back to her old self.

In regards to my writing: The Harper Lee article I wrote for the May/June issue of Femnista is now available at charitysplace.com. I wrote an article for the July/August issue about “The Wizard of Oz,” book and movie. I still have one article for the September/October issue that I haven’t even started on. Very excited because it is to be about someone I admire very much: Sophie Scholl. Can’t wait. I never did get around to submitting a story in for the Writer’s Digest Contest. I found another contest that would suit the story better so I may try to submit it there. We’ll see. It needs some tweaking here and there. Also there is a story I am working on for Chicken Soup for the Soul book. Not sure if it will be accepted. Time will tell. In the mean time I am revising WIP #1. An agent asked for it exclusively for the next three months. So psyched about this that it almost seems too good to be true. I’m afraid that I’ll wake up and all of it will disappear.

Again, thank you to you all who have been praying for us. I so appreciate it. Love to you all! God Bless!

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My Dad died on April 29, 2012, in the early morning. Mom found him in bed that Sunday morning and we think he had gone in his sleep. His eyes were closed and he had a strange smile on his face. Saturday the 28^th was ideal. I had received what I considered good news the day before and we were all happy, going grocery shopping, talking about buying a new grill because the old one was shot. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and for Sunday Dad planned to make a big meal like he always did. Evidently something was really wrong with him; we suspect he had a heart attack and it took him quickly. The visitation was on May 2^nd and the funeral was the 3^rd. He was only 60 years old.

Our faith in Christ is carrying us through and consoles me because I know where Dad is. Knowing that I will see him again someday comforts me.

I wish I could write more openly on this blog about how I feel, but my words feel forced. To go in depth about it doesn’t seem right to me. I can only say this: life will never be the same again.

To anyone who has prayed for us, I sincerely thank you and ask for God to bless you.