Days of Our Lives

Don’t worry, this is not a post about the soap opera; it’s just a cheesy title for this entry.

Been busy the last few weeks and have many entries to post. One that is way over due, about Eva Mozes Kor and an event hosted at the C.A.N.D.L.E.S. museum. Maybe I can put that entry up early next week. Awesome pictures will be included.

Haven’t written much this week in regards to my novels. Which is okay; it’s good to take a break now and then and let the creative juices simmer. Close friends of ours asked me to babysit their granddaughter this week and help out with the housework. These folks- I love them completely and would do anything for them, but I do so appreciate getting paid. This is only for a week, but I’ve been praying for a “job.” I consider this also a test for my endurance, anxiety wise. I am so high strung/shy and backwards/OCD that I wasn’t sure I could hold down a job. But God knows our strengths and our limitations better than we do.  

So, I have been spending my days with a little girl, who I consider like a niece. Only God knows if I will ever have children of my own (it’s doesn’t look like it); I’m not overly maternal. I sort of consider motherhood a calling, the way the priesthood/church/mission field is and I have yet to receive that call. Still, there is no sweeter feeling than a pair of small, thin arms wrapped around my neck. And nothing makes me smile more than a childlike giggle. Nothing breaks my heart melt more than when she is hurt and needs to be held and comforted. This is probably the most difficult job I have ever had, but above all, the best.

Meanwhile, we are having work done on our property. A privacy fence now encloses our backyard, that way we will feel more protected, our furry babies will have more freedom and it will keep the lurkers out (druggy neighbors, nosy neighbors, animal abusers, trash pickers, etc.). It has gone smoothly for the most part, until yesterday. My sister had a lot to deal with due to a certain person. Won’t go into it, because it’s not really worth mentioning or harping on. Hopefully the next few days will go better for her.

This Saturday, my Mom, aunt, sister and I go to lay flowers on the graves. It’s overdue, but better late than never. We haven’t seen Dad’s grave since Thanksgiving. We bought special black and orange silk flowers for him; black and orange in honor of his high school, Gerstmeyer (those were the school colors). It will be bittersweet, I’m sure.

Until next time…

Life Update

Well, it’s been a month since I have updated on my life. The month-long posts dedicated to the Holocaust were pretty successful, I think. All of those stories of survivors, victims, rescuers and resistors remind me of what got me interested in the first place. No matter where I go or what I do, the subject of the Holocaust isn’t far behind me. I can’t explain why, but it my magnificent obsession.

It has been a full year since my Dad has passed away. At times it feels like it happened just yesterday and at other times it feels like it has been over a decade. Sometimes the pain is so deep and the sadness so great that I don’t have the words to express my grief. Or the tears. I am going through a dry spell when it comes to crying. I can only muddle through and place my hope in God that someday times will be better. In many ways it is getting easier. We’ve gotten through all of the firsts and we are making plans. So that’s good.

My sister discovered that she has a gluten allergy. For the last few years she’s had issues with her digestion. Last year she had her gall bladder removed and expected that after a couple months to feel better. In many ways she only got worse. A few weeks ago, after a bad reaction to a meal, the three of us prayed and I did some snooping around on the internet. A half hour or so later, we concluded that she was gluten-intolerant. Now that she has detoxed from gluten, she has started to feel better. 

I am slowly and carefully querying the agents for WIP #2. I sent out a barrage of queries for WIP #1, up to ten a day at times. This time, however, I have limited myself to six queries a week. One agent (that I had high hopes for) rejected it sight unseen. One Christian agent (rather her assistant) said it wouldn’t fly in the Christian market because the heroine is deceitful. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come across Christian novels with a deceitful hero or heroine. She did say that the tone was good. Meanwhile, keeping myself occupied with WIP #3. It’s difficult to pace myself when it comes to a project that I am especially psyched about. I just want to dive in, head first, swim around and lose myself in it completely. I had my sister read a draft of it and she liked it and gave many helpful suggestions for it. If all goes according to plan (in all likelihood, it won’t because life never goes according to plan) perhaps I can query the agents about it in the fall. 

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The last month has been a whirlwind. We got through Thanksgiving pretty well. Our aunties came to share the holiday with us. The five of us went to the graveyard to pay one last visit to Dad and Aunt Della before next spring, and to see their new monuments. Very nice and in some ways an eye opener. Seeing my Dad’s name on a headstone seems unnatural. At times his absence is very real to me and other times not so much. So we have Christmas, a birthday and New Year’s to get through and then we’ll be in the clear until Easter and then will come the first anniversary of his death. The holidays are always the hardest, especially at the very first. I have to admit, I was dreading Thanksgiving and it went better than I expected. So I have that to be grateful for.

With the help of an anxiety/depression program and a new exercise routine, I am doing quite a bit better. Still have a ways to go, but I think I’m on the right track. It helps that my sister is doing this too; keeps me dedicated.

Sent off around sixty some queries to the agents. Most have yet to respond, though a couple have requested to see the full manuscript. One agent in particular seems right for the story and she has had my novel for over a month. I want to ask how she likes it but am too afraid that she’ll reject it then and there. In the meantime I am polishing my WIP #2, which is even better than the first. I have more confidence in it than this current one. Hopefully it will be whipped into shape by the first of the year. Trying to get going on a third project. Do I start on another story based in this little town? I do have plans for one, but it is not appealing to me just yet, Believe it or not I am reworking my old Epic Novel that I set aside almost three years ago. I don’t know why, but the characters are speaking to me again. The tone is very different, so much so I’ll have to change the title if I go to send it off. It will be interesting to see what happens with that. Most of the research is already done and most of it is still floating around in my memory. So, we’ll see what happens.

The little Shih-Tzu we adopted has made himself at home. Checkers is a total stinkpot, eager to tease and start fights. We call him the “Little Hobbit” because he is so naughty. He has easily worked his way into our hearts. 

Daydream Believer

Remember that song, by the Monkees? Whenever I hear it, I want to cry. When I was a girl, seven or so years old, I remember sitting out on our front porch and listening to it. It reminds me of my youth. As a kid I couldn’t wait to be an adult and now not a day goes by that I don’t day dream about being a kid.

Since I last wrote, my sister had gallbladder surgery and then six weeks after my Dad died, my aunt passed away. It’s a crazy, mixed up time for us. None of it seems real and I at times I really believe that someday everything will be the way it was. All that I can ask from anyone right now is prayer. Especially for my mother. It has hit her the hardest. It was her husband who died, and her baby sister she lost. If we didn’t have faith in Christ and the promise of Heaven, we’d be lost right now. In many ways we are lost, but we know that we’ll find our way again and that it won’t always be hard for us.

I don’t know much else to say. I have been writing; manically almost. Whether it’s much good or not, time will tell. I have tried my hand at shorter pieces and have submitted them to various places. Maybe this sounds crass, but it’s to make a bit of a name for myself and earn a little money. I need to do something.

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. God bless and love to you all!

As Time Goes By

The last month has slipped by so quickly. I feel like I have lived in limbo since the couple days of April. We all have really. And yet April 28^th (the last day Dad was alive) seems like years ago. Mom, Sean and I have drawn closer, but the family is incomplete now. We don’t laugh as hard as we did before or enjoy the moments. Nothing makes sense. If I didn’t have faith I’d be a lost cause. Last Saturday we saw his grave for the first time since his funeral. My mind cannot fathom that my Dad is buried there. This seems wrong to me. My Aunt told us all something that has stayed with me. My Grandma was 15 years old when she lost her Daddy and she never really got over it. I totally understand. She had it harder than I do though. She was only a kid and it was during the Great Depression. But I get it, why she never got over it. Her Daddy was only 44 when he died whereas mine was 60. Still, I don’t think anyone is ever prepared to lose their parents, no matter how old they are. Grandma was braver than I am. She probably confided in her brother and sisters, but she never felt sorry for herself and never burdened anyone. My only hope is that I can live up to the example that she left me. If she survived all of that, somehow we will too.

Just when we think things might settle down a little bit, something else happens. My sister Sean has been in traction for the last month. She’s been having stomach problems for a while now and since we lost Dad, it has increasingly gotten worse. The doctor did some tests and learned that her gall bladder is not functioning at a normal rate. She is to have it out tomorrow. Sean is looking forward to it because it has given her nothing but misery for two years now. I can’t wait to see her back to her old self.

In regards to my writing: The Harper Lee article I wrote for the May/June issue of Femnista is now available at charitysplace.com. I wrote an article for the July/August issue about “The Wizard of Oz,” book and movie. I still have one article for the September/October issue that I haven’t even started on. Very excited because it is to be about someone I admire very much: Sophie Scholl. Can’t wait. I never did get around to submitting a story in for the Writer’s Digest Contest. I found another contest that would suit the story better so I may try to submit it there. We’ll see. It needs some tweaking here and there. Also there is a story I am working on for Chicken Soup for the Soul book. Not sure if it will be accepted. Time will tell. In the mean time I am revising WIP #1. An agent asked for it exclusively for the next three months. So psyched about this that it almost seems too good to be true. I’m afraid that I’ll wake up and all of it will disappear.

Again, thank you to you all who have been praying for us. I so appreciate it. Love to you all! God Bless!

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My Dad died on April 29, 2012, in the early morning. Mom found him in bed that Sunday morning and we think he had gone in his sleep. His eyes were closed and he had a strange smile on his face. Saturday the 28^th was ideal. I had received what I considered good news the day before and we were all happy, going grocery shopping, talking about buying a new grill because the old one was shot. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and for Sunday Dad planned to make a big meal like he always did. Evidently something was really wrong with him; we suspect he had a heart attack and it took him quickly. The visitation was on May 2^nd and the funeral was the 3^rd. He was only 60 years old.

Our faith in Christ is carrying us through and consoles me because I know where Dad is. Knowing that I will see him again someday comforts me.

I wish I could write more openly on this blog about how I feel, but my words feel forced. To go in depth about it doesn’t seem right to me. I can only say this: life will never be the same again.

To anyone who has prayed for us, I sincerely thank you and ask for God to bless you. 

Priceless Cheesecake

Meandering through BooksAMillion, I pick up several items in consideration of purchasing them. At last I buy them and then treat my Dad to doublefudge cheesecake at Joe Mugs, the little coffee shop adjacent to the bookstore. Here is a list of the items that I bought with the approximate costs, tax included.

A present for my sister’s birthday = $15.00
A “Gone With the Wind” Calender for my secret pal = $16.00
“Failure to Launch” DVD = $7.00
“The Tenant of Wildfell Hall,” by Anne Bronte = $6.00

And the cheesecake with my Dad = Priceless.

When Its Hot, It’s Hot!

Whew! Summer may have officially arrived a few days ago, but here in Indiana it already feels like the dog days of summer. We don’t have air conditioning and have to make do with screens in our windows and fans. It doesn’t bother me so much unless I’ve worked hard outside and need a reprieve. The nights can be stifling as well, but other than that it isn’t too unbearable.

We have a garden too. Of course a lot of folks have been planting gardens this year, titling them “Recession Gardens.” It’s sort of a throw back to WWII when families planted Victory Gardens in their flowerbeds to save money and to “win the war!” I’ve discovered something, I like working in our garden and I’m actually good at it. Whenever I finish with it for the day, I feel a sense of accomplishment. When Dad said it was too hot to work outside today, I felt disappointed.

Mom is still looking for a job. There are job openings at Kroger’s, K-Mart, Fashion Bug and clerical position at a local hospital. As for Dad, that job at the local high school didn’t pan out. However a couple teachers might be retiring this year so we’re in prayer that something might work out.

Our church is doing better and it doesn’t look like it’s going to close. People were just taking for granted God’s hard work and needed a wake up call. I actually, I needed one too. Often enough I forget to pray for my church and the minister, his wife and all the other elders and deacons.

Right now I’m editing my series and am now working on the third book. There’s a lot to add and revise in this one, but not as much as I’ll have to do until I start revising the fourth. I’m finding that information in post-WWII Poland is scarce. Most of the non-fiction books out there deal with the political aspect rather than the every day life of the average Joe, which is what I need.

When it Rains, It Pours

Ain’t that the truth! To begin with, a few weeks ago my Mom learns that as of Sept 30th, 2009, she will no longer have a job at the local university. It’s difficult not to have hard feelings over this because the reason she was laid-off has nothing to do with financial difficulties; it was over a personal vendetta. Mom was/is so devoted to her work, she gives her all and to see her treated this way more than hurts. There is a silver lining to this though, she’s no longer have to endure their grief. And it’s more than likely that Dad will be working full time at a high school. You know the old saying: when God closes a door, He opens a window.

My Dad’s cousin went in for surgery corroded artery and had a negative reaction to it. She had to be sedated and put on a ventilator. She’s puffy and her blood pressure and potassium levels were hinky but now seem to be improving. Yesterday she opened her eyes, was responsive to her sister and family, and could answer some questions. Any prayers you could offer her would be appreciated. Not only for healing but for peace of mind. She’s kind of a Nervous Nellie when it comes to things like this.

Saturday, June 6th was D-day, you know; the 65th anniversary of the Allied invasion of Normandy and Nazi occupied Europe. That day is always important to us because so many of our relatives served in WWII and were involved with it (particularly our Grandpa). His younger brother Allen went over on D-day plus 3 (June 9, 1944). Anyway, Uncle Allen died on Saturday, at age 87. He was such a sweetheart; he was the type who brightened the whole room just by walking in. Our Grandpa died when we were young, and it wasn’t like Uncle Allen took his place. But he was always kind and supportive of us. He’d patiently answer our questions about WWII, the past, family history and never displayed any jealousy or annoyance whatsoever when we’d bring up our Grandpa or brag on him. He was proud of his older brother and helped fill in a lot of gaps that we had about Grandpa’s military career. Uncle Allen will be missed by all, but he’s so much more content where he is now than where he was. He was in and out of the nursing home for the last year and was completely miserable there. That long with the fact that his sweetheart, Alice, no longer recognized him (she has dementia) broke his heart. But there’s no doubt in my mind that Uncle Allen is completely whole; he was always vocal about his faith in Christ. I can easily imagine him walking down a street of gold, chatting with his older brother and sister, maybe even eating a banana. (He loved bananas.)

And for the last bit of news- I got a call from Mom. The church board members met yesterday after we were dismissed and discussed finances. According to Mom, it was decided that if tithing doesn’t improve, our church will close… BY THE END OF THIS MONTH!!! Not to brag, but we tithe out 10% regularly so our conscience is clean. However, so many others don’t. This really bites. Because of the selfishness of others we all must suffer. Okay, I shouldn’t judge, but it hurts. Spring Creek just celebrated its 20th anniversary a few months ago. Please, please, please pray that God will move on the hearts of the congregation to give. Please, I’m begging you! I don’t know what I’ll do if this church closes; I’ve grown more spiritually here than at any other church I’ve attended. I know God’s Will be done in the end, but sometimes that’s a hard pill to swallow.

If you’re interested to learn more about our church, please click here.